Newblish Blog

Haven't blogged in ages since I announced I quit. Long story short to anyone who is wondering, I started back in September with $44 and have since made around 15k. Really have been working hard and it's gone well.

Anyway, just so I dont forget this session I played today, it may literally have been the most ridiculous/crazy session I have ever played in my entire poker career. Literally 5 different times today a guy sits against me with a full or slightly less than full stack and proceeds to bad beat/cooler me into the ground that they all managed to build their stacks up to or around 700 BB's. The emotional roller coaster was just ridiculous, I ended up getting pretty tilted and frustrated. However, despite feeling nauseous I never once closed a single table. Miraculously, only one of those 5 people sat out and walked with a $700 stack. Every other guy fought me to the bitter end. To my credit, I ended up beating 4 of them and retrieved every penny and even a bit more from a few of them. It felt great. However, they all happened 1 after the other, so the emotional roller coaster went from - Feeling great to feeling awful 4-5 times in a row. At one point I was down $1400 and I'm not even playing nl200 right now. My graph today looks pretty funny. 4 of these insane and long matches were on pokerstars. It was weird because I swear to god people run up massive stacks ONLY on pokerstars. Literally like 14 of the last 15 times a guy has ammased a gigantic stack at my expense has been on pokerstars. It's annoying, but at least this time it ended in my favor. I ended up $120, which is VERY satisfying after being down almost ~15 BI's. I made up for the one guy who walked(and a bit more) by beating lots of other people on anywhere from 1 to 4 tables at a time(1 was always one of my big deep stack matches).

So basically after multitabling HU for around 12 hours today.. it's time to sleep. I'm very happy with the way this turned out and learned A LOT about how I should adjust and play in 3bet pots. I'm happy I'm able to persevere through tough times and not give up as well.

Here's the graph, peace out.

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Well after 4 long years of this game I'm finally saying goodbye. This game has brought me nothing but hardship and trouble in my life and its time I got rid of it. A bit over a year ago i had ~50k and was doing great. I planned to be playing high stakes and have over 100k by the end of the following year(this year). A year and a bit a bit later however, i have nothing to show for all my hard work except the following:
-running 82 Buy ins below EV without even considering coolers
-full tilt robbing me of $~4000
-Absolute from what I now hear is about to vanish without paying me the $~4000 I have on it
- being lazy and barely playing due to low motivation
- not furthering a career that i would have otherwise had if i used my degree in any way.
- A fucked up sleep schedule where I go to bed around 3am and wake up at noon
- more of an antisocial lifestyle than before i had poker since my "job" was on a computer and there was less of a need to ever leave my house
- only around $7000 to my name, excluding my car/computer etc ofc and potentially(but unlikely) the money from FTP/ABS

I just now had another bad session where I was 4 BI's below EV against one of the worst players I have ever played HU. That is ~$800 and thats actually alot now considering how much less money I have. my living expenses are over $1200 a month and i cant afford to be having bad sessions like this anymore.

I just dont want/need it all anymore. I cashed out every single penny I have left online(excluding ABS/FTP of course). I really feel I put a good effort into this game, I am certainly not a great player, but I was good enough to beat midstakes up to 5/10 at one point when I was at my peak around a year ago. Regardless, I feel like my efforts were in vain because I really really did work hard for the last 4 years despite being a full time student(well excluding up until the last say 5 months due to low motivation). I feel like I am not getting rewarded for the time and effort i put into poker. I know I am supposed to accept that poker can be like that and that you're going to have bad stretches, but for me it lasted an entire year(and i cant afford that since it started to happen EXACTLY when i moved out of home). All the endless hours of grinding, of stress, of fatigue, of thinking hard, of staring at a computer screen, of heart pounding in big hands, of analysis, etc.. and alot of the time all you get out of it is emotional distress and a losing session. You can work hard for all these hours, then you just run 5+ BI's below EV and can only think: Is that really the result of all this time and effort? The longrun is a damn LONG RUN if you know what i mean. If i have to wait over a year for things to start evening out and to get rewarded for the hours of grinding then to me its not worth it and i give up. There is just a point where all of the effort/work you put in HAS to give you something in return except for breakeven/losing months(I had only 3 winning months in the last year of which only one was a good month, the other two were measly/miniscule)

Starting poker was a huge mistake. If I could go back in time 1 year form now everything would be so damn easy. Cashout my $50,000 get a real job where you interact with people, have a real contribution to the world, make a real salary, etc and things would easily be better than today where playing poker has so many negative consequences -

- all of the above things of course, but also
- the games are much harder than they used to be
- there are less donks/fish to play against due to the point directly below
- There are so many heads up regulars now that it is next to impossible to find bad opponents
- Two sites have stolen alot of my(our) money
- Americans cant even play on the biggest sites which have shrunk the games even more
- Poker sites are a lot less reputable due to all the recent scandals which give poker a bad name and further makes it unlikely for more people to play
- list goes on

Obviously some of these things were something I could not predict and that was the coin I(we) were dealt, but it just pains me that my parents were right about all of this and that I should have quit poker while i had my former roll. I feel like i let them down. I worked hard in my life for everything... all the school grades, the sports i played, the exercise i did/do, poker, etc. The feeling of working hard and getting rewarded for efforts was something i was sued to ever since i was a little kid. Poker however has really ruined that belief though(for the wrong reasons, but it still has nevertheless). It's my fault I played poker though, nobody elses.. so there is nobody to blame but myself.

Anyway, I really think this is the right decision to quit. There is no future with this game for me. I'll play it for fun and never higher than nl100 if i ever do play again but its very unlikely. I really urge everyone else to let go of this horrible game while you can. At the very least, let it go until the rake is fair or there is a new boom. The game just sucks balls right now.. I've been raked over $60,000 since i started poker(which is higher than my roll has ever been). It's just absurd. Quit the game while you still can.

Im sorry to anyone who remembers me as someone who complained alot and who hated running bad. I hope you can understand that it was just the way I was and that I have learned that it solves nothing. I evolved as a player like everyone else and that was one of my biggest flaws. Thanks to everyone who gave me advice and who helped me improve my game. Thanks in advance for reading this as well. It helps to get my thoughts out about this.

I wish everyone the best. Ill still log in and read the news and many of the treads. Take care.

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Comments (28)

Earlier today i played a guy who is most likely the biggest donk/clown i have ever played. I ended up beating him, but he managed to last a good hour or so while being both the luckiest player i have played in a long time and easily one of the worst. I just had to make a picture to represent this guy because ive never seen anyone so bad at poker. It gave me a good laugh too and i want to remember this guy because he was hillarious.

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